Why is My Boyfriend So Mean to Me – Reasons behind the ‘Nasty Boyfriend Syndrome’

why is my boyfriend so mean to me

Every girl who gets into a relationship hopes that it will be filled with love, respect, and endless heart-warming moments. For the majority of people, their relationships are filled with the love they desire and those heartwarming moments are not too far apart. Unfortunately for others, their experience is quite the opposite. They get into a relationship and later start to feel like the other person really could be nicer to them. In fact, they find that their partners are just downright mean!

It is true that there is no genuine relationship without a couple of arguments every now and then, but if your boyfriend is being mean to you more often than he is nice to you, you definitely have a problem.

If you find yourself in this kind of situation, do not – I repeat, DO NOT let it go on for much longer. Figure out why he is being nasty and deal with it…if you can. If you can’t, then find a way to deal with that too. The bottom line is that there is a solution to every problem. In this case, it has to start with him. Do not forget that it takes a lot of work to make a relationship work. Here are a few reasons why he is being so mean to you and what should you do.

Why is my boyfriend so mean to me?

1. You are not a priority

If your boyfriend is constantly being mean, you may be nothing more than a mere option in his life. You are not a priority for him so he thinks that there is no need to go out of his way to be nice to you. His priorities might be school, work, and his friends. Think about it, if someone is not a priority in your life, you won’t care what they think or feel about you, would you? In the same way, if you are nowhere in his list of priorities, why is it surprising that he does not care if he hurts you or not?

2. You are just another conquest

When a guy genuinely likes you, goes out of his way to pursue you and finally, the two of you are officially an item, it is a conquest. If he really likes you, there is nothing wrong with a guy feeling great about having you as his girlfriend. However, some guys simply pursue a girl to gather bragging rights among their friends. Perhaps all he wants is to win a bet because some of the guys said he could never get a girl like you. If this is all he is after, he may be mean to you because he does not really care about you after all.

3. It is payback time

Believe it or not, your boyfriend could be mean to you to get back at you for something you did. Hey, no one ever said that all men are mature! Some are not and your boyfriend may fall in the latter category. Maybe you had to work late and cancelled a date and it hurt his feelings. Maybe you casually mentioned your ex in a random conversation and it upset him. He may be mean to you as an act of revenge. Needless to say, if this is why he is suddenly being mean to you, he has some growing up to do.

4. He really is an asshole

Let’s be honest, some guys are just bad people. Maybe he was not taught to respect women, or he genuinely does not believe that we are worth being respected. Yes, there are guys like that out there and you may have got yourself tangled up with one of them. If your boyfriend is one of them and he treats you badly, then leave him! Trust me on this, he will bring you nothing but tears.

5. He doesn’t really like you

If a guy really likes you, he will bend over backwards to make you smile. Making you happy automatically makes him happy. If he treats you badly and does not care to say or do something to apologize when he hurts you, you can’t be blamed for thinking he really does not like you after all.

6. He has unmet needs

Unmet needs in a relationship context always seem to be understood as sexual dissatisfaction. However, this is not always the case. Unmet needs could be based on any kind of needs, such as time, affirmation or even just a basic display of affection. It could be anything. If your boyfriend is being mean to you, he could be subconsciously ‘screaming’ out for attention from you. Maybe you have been working long hours lately and he is feeling neglected. To resolve this, all it takes is for both of you to communicate your feelings and come to a balanced solution.

7. He is struggling with an addiction

Addiction is a serious problem and it manifests in many different ways. If your boyfriend is secretly struggling with an addiction, do not be surprised if he is sweet today and terribly mean tomorrow. Addiction makes a person irritable, short-tempered, and increases the chances of them being mean to people they care about. It also raises the risks of violence on people they perceive as weaker than them. This could be a very serious issue.

8. You are suffocating him

We all need some alone time away from our better halves. The difference is that some people need that more than others. Your boyfriend may be being mean to you because he feels suffocated by you. You spend every free moment together and he is craving some time alone or a chance to hang out with his friends. He may subconsciously do and say mean things to you keep you at arm’s length. Ideally, he should be able to just come out with it and tell you exactly how he feels, but that may not be how he deals with his challenges. If you have the slightest suspicion that this is why your boyfriend is being mean to you, make yourself scarce for some time and see how he reacts to that.

9. Someone else is on his mind

The sad truth is that if your boyfriend is being mean to you and is always lost in thought, he is probably thinking about someone else. If he was having trouble at work or with a friend, he would tell you. Now that he is being cagey about what is on his mind and being nasty at the same time, chances are that some other girl is occupying his thoughts.

10. He does not want to be with you anymore

Some guys do not have the guts to break up with a girl even if they do not want to be with her any more. They are consciously and deliberately mean to her, hoping she gets frustrated and breaks up with them instead. They believe that if you are the one who initiates the breakup, then they would not be seen as the bad guy. If your boyfriend is suddenly being mean to you, maybe he wants out of the relationship but wants to push you to be the one to call it quits.

11. You have different goals

Your boyfriend may be mean to you because he does not see you as a long-term partner. You are more of a here-and-now fun partner for him. With this kind of mentality, he may be mean to you because he does not care about the relationship or see a future in it. His negativity may be subconscious or conscious and deliberate. He may be trying to tell you that he is not as invested in the relationship as you are.

12. He is just not as emotional as you are

Your boyfriend is being mean to you and you do not understand why he would do or say certain things to you. Maybe he is just not as emotional as you are. He may be totally unaware that something he did hurt you. Often times, men tend to be more practical than emotional. They may do something that hurts you with no intention of doing so. Then, when you blow your top about it, they are genuinely shocked and may even laugh at it. Of course, that does not help to calm you down and may make you feel even worse. If this is the case, it is high time that you have a serious, heart-to-heart talk with your man to make him understand how his actions have been hurting you.

13. You are a means to an end

As painful as it may be to admit, you may have to come to terms with the fact that your boyfriend is using you to get or achieve something. Maybe he is using you to show off to other guys or just want someone for the sex. If you have a lot more money than he does and you are always ‘helping him out’, that could be why he is in your life.

14. You are over-dependent

Are you an over-dependent girlfriend? Do you expect your boyfriend to spend all his free time with you and get upset when he does not? Do you expect him to solve every last problem you have? Do you expect him to meet all your financial needs? If this describes you, then you are overly dependent on him. Your boyfriend may be being mean to you to ward you off – hoping that you will leave him and get the load off his shoulders. Men love confident, independent women so you should strive to be one – he will appreciate and respect you more for it.

15. He is fighting his love for you

If you haven’t experienced it yourself, you have probably seen it in a romance movie. The typical storyline is one of a man who meets a woman, gets to know her, and begins to fall in love with her. However, the idea of falling in love comes with a sense of loss of control which he hates. Not to mention that some men believe love is for sissy weaklings. If things have been going absolutely fabulous between you and your boyfriend – then he suddenly starts being mean to you, maybe he is fighting the idea of falling in love with you.

16. You are reading him wrong

Could it be that he might not be such a bad guy after all because you are just misunderstanding him? You spent several hours getting all dolled up for a date only for him to say you look fine. Just fine! You spend the evening wondering why he could not have used a word like ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’ to describe you. Well, maybe he just does not have a way with words! That does not mean that he does not care about you.

17. No one taught him better

Unfortunately, not all men were taught to be gentlemen. Maybe his parents did not know better or maybe he grew up in an environment without solid parental guidance. If this is his story, some basic etiquette you consider to be obvious may not be that clear to him. The truth is that a lot of our behavior as adults can be traced back to our childhood. It takes a lot of unlearning to change such habits.

Maybe he is a genuinely nice guy who truly cares about you but does mean things simply because he does not know any better.

18. Lack of communication

If you have done any amount of reading on how to make relationships work, communication is perhaps the most common concept. They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus. That tells you just how different men and women really are. They all have different ideas and needs, the only way to understand them is to talk about them. It would be unfair to expect your boyfriend to know exactly what you want from him if you do not tell him. You may feel that he is being mean to you because you only get to spend time together over the weekend. So go ahead and tell him how you feel. He might be trying to give you space to spend time with your friends when he would be happy to spend more time with you.

19. Never blame yourself

When things start going south because your boyfriend is being mean to you, do not blame yourself. You may be the best girlfriend in the world but if your boyfriend does not see the relationship going anywhere while you see a future with him – Houston, we have a problem. If you are not on the same page, it is best to part ways. As you do so, remember that it is pointless to blame anyone. You should both be grateful that you realized your differences earlier rather than later.

Final Thoughts

Communication is perhaps the most important element in a relationship. If your boyfriend is continually doing and saying mean things to you, talk to him about it. If he had no idea that he was hurting you, he will probably apologize and promise not to do the same again. If he does not care, you have to love yourself enough to let him go. Breakups are painful but are sometimes the best thing that could ever happen to you. When you are in a good relationship, you are supposed to have more happy times than bad times. If it is the other way around for you right now, you really should not be this relationship anymore.

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