There is nothing good about goodbyes, and farewells aren’t fair either. Regardless, these circumstances are inevitable in life.
Leaving someone you have fallen in love with is an extreme sport and the vacuum left by that person may scar you for a long time, especially when the goodbye is abrupt.
The truth is that when we are in a romantic relationship with someone – someone that we love, someone we can sacrifice anything for – and the times are good, we tend to think that it will last forever.
But reality check, life is not always like that. I have been in such a situation before, heartbreak and all, and I remember my best friend telling me that forever is a myth and there is no point chasing it.
Relationships are to just be enjoyed in moments, chapters, and seasons. And when the time is up then it is up, there is nothing to be done about it.
How to Leave Someone You Love
You Need to Find a Way to Let Go
But to be factual, I understand that letting go for anyone in a relationship where a lot has been invested will never be easy. Well, except if you never had feelings for the person.
No matter how much you anticipate it, you just find yourself trying to hold on to the relationship as much as you can because of the beautiful memories you have had. You can’t believe all of it is coming to an end and you try to be optimistic about it, putting in the more effort than before in the hopes that the relationship will take a turn for the better. It really is a weird situation.
There is something about goodbyes that leave you empty and scared, especially if it is not the first time. This has left a lot of people giving up on love because they believe no matter what they do, one day it is all going to end and ultimately will leave them very miserable.
You begin to think about where it all went wrong, especially if you are the one without fault. I mean, yes a goodbye could hurt both parties when the relationship is a two-way street, but in a situation where you are fully invested in the relationship and your partner is only in it half mindedly, you will be the one trying to prevent the ship from sinking, giving your all. When it all goes berserk, it will tend to hurt more for you.
In some situations, you may have seen the potential in your partner and you are willing to make the relationship work out. You begin to catch feelings and realize that all of the potentials and prospects you have seen in your partner is a facade.
At this point, you are neck deep in love and there seems to be no way out, yet the relationship is not ideal for you. This could be a very awful situation.
What to Do Before Leaving
You need to understand that saying goodbye in a relationship is more than just a word and seven letters. There is a lot of meaning to it, a lot of undertone such as “you are not enough for me”, “this can’t work out anymore” etc.
Goodbyes can hurt your partner more than you can imagine, especially when that person has been putting in a lot of effort to be there for you. As a matter of fact, some people’s life centers around their relationships. Now, imagine telling such a person goodbye – it would shatter their world.
So, prior to saying goodbye, you need to make a lot of assessment and ask some personal questions that include the following.
What is the reason for leaving?
The importance of this question cannot be overemphasized. You need to have clarity about why you want to leave. This is not something that you can just decide all of a sudden. A lot of relationship issues can be discussed and amendments made so you have to be sure that the reason for leaving is beyond remedy.
Take your time and think about why you want to leave, ask if it is really worth it. Remember that at some point, the relationship was all you wanted, and you probably chose that person over other people.
Therefore, any reason for leaving such a relationship must be out of the ordinary – maybe the relationship became toxic along the line and you are experiencing more bad times than good times? Also, have tried talking to your partner to salvage the situation, and every means you have attempted proved abortive?
Are you happy in the relationship?
If the relationship is a constant source of worry for you, such that it leaves you weary and unhappy, then you need to make amends.
Although you have to realize that a relationship, like life, is not a bed of roses where there will be ups and downs, relationships that are able to survive a period of struggles will definitely be better off for it. You know what they say: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
But if all that the relationship brings to you is constant sorrow and nothing else can be done about it, you owe it to yourself to seek happiness elsewhere at all cost.
Are you in love with your partner or a faux image of them?
When you are in love with a person, you tend to be blindsided by all of their negative behaviors. This is why they say love is blind.
You may be hoping that in the future the person will change their ways, but most times this is not the case and the signs that you ignore at first may later be the reason why you break up.
Although love has its effect on all of us, you have to be as realistic as possible. You have to understand that if you cannot love them with their bad sides now, it will be near impossible to do so in the future.
Do not be in love with a faux image of your partner. It leads to an unhealthy relationship and I am sure you do not want to go through that.
What are the implications of saying goodbye?
There is no greater pain than leaving someone that you love. Relationships, love, and breakups could be very complicated so you need to weigh your options.
Sometimes no one would even have to be at fault for the goodbye to occur. It may be a situation that has to do with the future. This is a very difficult one and you need to carefully make an assessment of where you are now, where you are heading to, and where you hope to be in the next couple of years.
Take note that once you have made up your mind on leaving the relationship, there is nothing you can do about it again. Also, you cannot live in regret or beat yourself up about it. Once you are done, then you are done.
Hence, why you have to understand the implication of leaving the relationship, how much you love the person, and if you are willing to make sacrifices to be with that person.
Things to Understand about Saying Goodbye
One thing I have realized about saying goodbye is that no matter how much it hurts, you should know that it is not the end of the world – though it may not feel like that at the moment.
So here are some other things that you should know about saying goodbye:
- It isn’t always about love. A lot of people say that love is enough, but in reality, for two people to be together, love is just one factor among others. That you are breaking up with your partner does not mean that you do not love them.
- You need to understand that like every other relationship, a romantic relationship could possibly come to an end. No one is denying that it is very difficult, but you need to learn that there is always the potential of a breakup and be prepared for it.
- Follow your intuitions, love sometimes could be skewed and you just have to let it play out the way it wants to. Sometimes, it could actually be for a greater good and you might find someone better.
- Do not put all the blame on your partner – you have to own up to your faults too. Accept that you might have been wrong one way or the other. That way, you can be able to forgive and forget quickly.
- Don’t give room for hatred, even though this could be difficult. You once loved the person and in the situation that you cannot be together due to some reason, you do not have to start spewing hatred. Treat that person with respect just like all human beings deserve it.
- Do not be too hard on yourself, understand that you are just human and you are trying as much as you can in the present situation. Do not try to run away from the pain and emotions. Accepting them will help you move on faster.
- Stay away from your partner as much as you can while grieving, trying to hang on and see them push you away even further can do more damage than you can fathom. Take time for yourself and understand your next move.
- Be confident that you can pull through the situation all by yourself without help from anybody. Yes, you can survive your heartache and do without them. You can be strong if only you are willing to.
- Do not overthink and complicate the situation. Your partner may have said that the reason for the breakup is personal to them. Therefore, do not think that it has to do with your inadequacy or your not being enough in some way.
- Do not deprive yourself of happiness. Just because you are going through breakup issues does not mean that your whole life has to be on hold for it. Even when you are the one making the decision, still enjoy yourself as much as you can.
- Respect the relationship that you and your partner had and do not throw it all in their face just after the breakup. Even if you are happy with the freedom you have, you do not have to make it so obvious for the other party.
- You might think that after the breakup, certain things might fall into place, and you will still be on good terms with your partner. If the reverse is the case, do not beat yourself up for it. Just go on with your own life and let your partner handle the breakup in their own way.
So there you have them, tips on how to leave someone you love but can’t be with and what to do when you are at the receiving end of such.
We would like to hear what you think about these, and what other tips as well as ideas you have to share from your experience with leaving someone you love or grieving a breakup.