When dating, you should ensure that you select the questions to ask your girlfriend carefully. If your conversation is driven by the right inquiries, you increase the chances of getting to know her better. This knowledge is instrumental in ensuring that you determine whether the girl is your right match before it’s too late.
Always remember that the technique you apply when asking these questions can either break or strengthen the relationship. Be aware that some questions are highly sensitive and may sound overly invasive. As such, you should be keen to wait for the right environment to ask the questions without offending your girlfriend. We recommend that you create an appropriate environment when asking serious questions whereas light-hearted questions can usually be asked anywhere most of the time.
Sometimes it can be challenging to get the right questions to ask your girlfriend. Therefore, we have provided a list of questions that will help you get to know her better. Toward the end of this article, we will also provide bonus questions and red flags that you should watch out for when dating.
Questions to ask your girlfriend
Always ensure that you package your questions in a friendly way to avoid offending your girlfriend. You should strive to strike a balance about the urge to know her more and the desire to avoid hurting her feelings. If you observe that she is uncomfortable with a question, you should immediately change the subject and ask it again in a different way at another more suitable time or setting. While you probably mean well while asking these sensitive questions, your girlfriend may think that you are too invasive which has a significant chance to end your relationship! Never allow it to take that route, learn to respectfully withdraw a question and apologize whenever she receives the questions coldly.
Once you get answers to your questions, you should refrain from being judgmental. Remember that your girlfriend can have, and usually will have, a different answer from what you expect. A different opinion does not mean that she disrespects you. You should appreciate her freedom of expression and the right to make independent choices. Therefore, never coerce her into giving the answers you were expecting.
Most people enter into a relationship hoping that it will be long-term. However, you need to establish some facts before deciding whether to further the relationship. Asking the right questions will help you understand your girlfriend’s likings which is crucial in evaluating compatibility. The following questions will guide you through the dating process:
- Close your eyes and think about the perfect future. After approximately one minute, open your eyes and describe to me what your ideal tomorrow looks like.
- What is an ideal life for you? Would you just describe a day of your perfect life? Do you have more than one ideal day in your mind? How would you describe them?
These questions will help you to perceive your girlfriend’s expectations in life. Once you understand her desires, you can make an informed decision on whether she is the right fit for your future or not.
It’s important that you compare and contrast the answers she gives with what you intend to achieve in the future. We advise that you should only keep a girlfriend whose goals and life desire rhyme with yours to avoid heartbreaks in the future. For example, if she is determined to live large and travel all over the world while your interest is in establishing a business locally, then you will have conflicts in the future.
You can also ask the following questions on a light note and observe her reaction:
- What role should a woman play in a relationship?
- Would you be okay with changing roles when you get married?
These questions are instrumental since they will highlight the roles that your girlfriend expects you to play once you move in together. It will inform you of the roles she expects you to pick up or drop when you get married. This will avoid future conflicts and thus strengthen your relationship.
Ensure that you compare her expectations with yours and whether you would be comfortable with the roles that she expects you to play. If you’re traditional and don’t intend to take up roles that are perceived to belong to women, then you will have problems with a progressive and modern girlfriend.
Questions about the Past
Never rule out the past since it carries rich information that will help you in making crucial decisions in your relationship. It’s better to know about her past than to ignore it and then have regrets in the future.
These questions will be helpful in exploring her past. You should pick the right time to ask them since some of them are highly sensitive:
- Have you ever been in a serious relationship? If yes, how long did it last and what were the reasons for terminating it? What qualities did you like/ dislike in your former boyfriend?
When asking these questions, you should expect that she will give genuine answers and definitely don’t get jealous of her ex-boyfriend! Stay focused and identify the key qualities that she wants in a man. Make sure that you ask for clarifications whenever you get confused to allow you to know her better. It will help you gain knowledge about her perspective on a serious relationship.
- Have you ever cheated on someone? What was the experience?
You should be very careful to phrase the question appropriately since it offers excellent insights into the moral principles of your girlfriend but could make you seem judgmental at the same time. If she answers yes, take note of the explanation of why she cheated on her ex-boyfriend. This will help establish whether it’s her habit or not. If she gives flimsy reasons, then it is likely that she might cheat on you too.
- What time is ideal for you to spend with your boyfriend? Did your ex-boyfriend offer enough or too little time to you? What were your favorite activities when with him?
These questions are instrumental in determining the space that she expects from you. Some girls enjoy the company of their boyfriends all the time but some need their own personal space. If her answers align with your expectations, then she could be your perfect match. If not, then you need to be careful going forward with her.
Questions about Her
Immediately after starting your relationship, you need to find out about her likes and dislikes. Your intention should be to keep her happy but you can only achieve this if your likes and interests match with what she enjoys doing.
- What do you find annoying in a boyfriend? And, what are the best things that you would love to have in your boyfriend?
You should gauge the activities that annoy her and evaluate whether you can stop doing them. Also, ensure that you are comfortable with all the activities that she enjoys doing. If you cannot do this, then it’s likely that you will have problems in the future.
- What are the most adventurous activities that you’ve done the previous month? Is it the best you’ve ever done in your lifetime? If not, which is your craziest activity?
You should seek to get honest answers to these questions which will help you determine how risk-averse she is. If you love engaging in risky adventures more than she does, then you should be prepared to leave her behind when you go out for such activities.
- Which is your favorite: being outdoors or indoors?
You should ensure that your interests match. If not, then you should be comfortable to forfeit your interests or engage in them in her absence. For example, if she is an indoor person, don’t expect her to enjoy camping and road trips just like you do.
- What possessions do you value the most?
This will help you know the objects that she values in her life. Assess their value and cost. If she only values expensive items, then you may need to be ready to spend. Does she attach sentimental values to the objects? Then find out why she is attached to the objects to gain a better understanding of her.
- How would you react to mean comments from friends?
This question helps you to identify her conflict resolution techniques. In this case, if you would want to have a peacemaker then look out for a girl who remains calm and strives to restore order where there is chaos.
- What are your favorite movies/ TV shows? What are your least favorite movies/ TV shows?
The answers to this question will help you know what she enjoys watching. It will give you an opportunity to spice up your relationship with her favorite movies. However, this will only happen if you have common interests and both watch the same movies or TV shows.
- How would you describe your ideal Saturday night?
Saturdays offer the perfect time for winding down or partying, depending on your preference. Find out what your girlfriend likes to determine whether you would enjoy your Saturdays together.
This topic is relatively sensitive and you need to ensure that she is ready to talk about sex. You need to ask these questions when the relationship has progressed sufficiently. Ask these questions to find out more:
- Have you ever participated in an unprotected sex? How many sexual partners have you had so far?
While these questions may be uncomfortable, they are crucial in determining your girlfriend’s chastity. You should be ready to offer answers since she will need to know the same from you.
- What fun activities do you like to do when having sex? Would you like to try something new in the bedroom?
Since your intention is to ensure a healthy sex life, you should ensure that you both enjoy sex and other bedroom activities. However, assure her that you are comfortable with her sex demands since it can be a recipe for problems in the future. If you are forcing yourself into things you don’t like just to impress her, the relationship will not end well.
- How frequent would you like to have sex?
You should never pressure yourself into impressing your girlfriend while you’re not happy yourself. Asking this question is an excellent way of determining her sex drive and whether you can match it. If you can find a common ground, then it’s okay. If not, then you need to rethink your relationship.
- What’s your favorite time to have sex?
This will give you a rough idea of what makes her happy. You should ensure that you’re comfortable with her timing since it has the potential to build or destroy your relationship.
Questions about Money
Money is the leading cause of conflicts between lovers so you need to start your relationship right by establishing her money principles. These questions might be a bit uncomfortable but they will unearth crucial facts about her character.
- Do you operate with a budget? If yes, how strictly do you follow it?
A good partner should possess money management skills. If you realize that she is poor in budgeting, then you may need to rethink about your future together. She should not be a spendthrift since you need to invest your money for the future!
- How much would you be willing to spend to acquire the best?
This will give you an idea of what she will be spending on in the future. You will also understand what she values the most.
- What would you term as a waste of money?
This question is crucial in determining when your girlfriend would be uncomfortable with your spending habits.
- What importance do you attach to money?
This question will enable you to understand whether she likes money as a source of security, creating memories, or buying nice things. You will know whether she is a saver or she values objects.
- When in a relationship, which bills should be sorted out by the man and which ones are for the lady? Are you okay with splitting the bills?
This question helps you to manage her expectations once you enter into a serious relationship. You should feel free to discuss the answers with your girlfriend to reach a consensus. If you can’t agree, that would be a red flag and it may bring down your relationship in the future.
What to Watch Out For
There are several things that you should watch out for especially when you are starting out on a date. There are warning bells that you ought to look into before you become serious in your relationship.
- One of the most important indicators for her character is how she treats those who provide services to her. If you go to a hotel, you should be very keen to note how she treats the waiters and waitresses around. If you realize that she is mean and rude to them, it is likely that that’s her character and it might haunt you in future.
- If she is occasionally involved in drama, then you should not be fooled into believing that she will be drama-free when you get married. The commonest excuse that she will give is that she hates drama but it somehow finds her. That’s a lie! If you’ve already noticed the drama at this stage, then you should be prepared to handle it throughout your life together.
- You’re uneasy when both of you are doing nothing. If you’ve realized that it’s uncomfortable when you’re with her and not busy with something else, then you should think twice before proceeding with the relationship. It could be that you need more time to develop confidence around her. However, if time is not eliminating the uneasiness, then you may not be compatible with each other.
- Your hobbies don’t rhyme. Worse still, she hates what you love doing. In this case, you will have to choose between ending the relationship or forfeiting the things you love doing. You should note that if you really love doing something, it will be difficult to absolutely avoid them and it is likely that it will cause problems in the future. We advise that you find a girl who loves your hobbies or she can at least tolerate them for the sake of your happiness.
You should always prioritize your happiness and you will only achieve a bright future if your partner is the right match for you. Ensure that you are compatible and that you perfectly complement each other. Never ignore any red alerts at the beginning of the relationship since it could lead to bigger problems when it’s too late to back out!