Breaking up in any relationship is always difficult but especially so when it comes to ending a long distance one. Being physically away from your ex forces you to completely sever the relationship without having the luxury of being eased into it. There is no chance of you running into each other or downgrading the relationship to a friendship – you either try to make the relationship or lose each other.
Perhaps after being without your significant other for a while has made you realize that you truly want to be with them. Now your biggest desire is to rekindle the relationship. This can prove to be extra difficult with a vast distance between the two of you or even with time differences. You can’t plan to “bump into them” at their usual hangout spots or try to get the help of one of their close friends. You are on your own on this mission.
However, it is not a lost cause. Even when you are thousands of miles apart, there are still things you can do to increase your chance of winning back the heart of your ex. It will be quite challenging, of course, but as the saying goes “where there’s a will, there’s a way”.
How to rekindle a long distance relationship
Get over the breakup
First things first, you will have to get over the breakup. Often, when a relationship ends, the sudden impact of not having that very important person in your life anymore will put you in shock. It is natural to feel sad, empty, and incomplete. This might lead you to believe that you will stop having these negative feelings if you get your ex back. Let me tell you that this could not be further from the truth.
If you try to win back your ex when you are in a negative state, you will come across as needy and pessimistic – which are not very attractive traits to have when you are trying to make a good impression. The truth is, you should get over the breakup on your own and without your ex. Go out and socialize, meet new people, and keep yourself busy. Or start working out and improve both your physical and mental health. It is when you are completely over the breakup and in a positive state of mind should you focus on getting back with your ex.
Figure out what went wrong the last time
Now that you are over the breakup, it is still not yet time to make a move on your ex yet. You should first put your previous long distance relationship under the microscope and analyze it.
- What went wrong to have it ended the way it did?
- What were your mistakes?
- How could you have improved it?
Long distance relationship is perhaps one of the most challenging tests to go through for any couple. It is not easy to preserve intimacy and affection without being able to physically touch each other as often as you would like. It is also difficult to find the balance between having your own social life and spending enough time with your partner since they will have to be mutually exclusive when you are so far away from each other.
One of the biggest errors long distance couple make is not setting a final date for when the distance will end. The whole point of maintaining a long distance relationship is so that one day you will finally be together with your partner for good. Without making this goal as concrete as possible with a time limit in mind, it could seem unattainable which could lead to feelings of doubt and pressure. On the other hand, sharing a solid common goal could be a source of motivation and help get you through those tough times when you feel the most lonely
Another common mistake you often see in long distance couples is lack of communication. We do not mean the number of times you Skype every day and how many text messages you send each other but rather, the quality of communication. Couples reassure each other through communication and this can build trust. Without trust, you could feel jealous without good reasons and jump to unreasonable conclusions about your partner. You might feel like you should keep your partner as close as possible by demanding that they be available for you at all time to feel secure. This usually backfires and you will come across as needy and distrustful, which in turn will make your partner want to distance themselves.
To show your ex that you really have changed for the better and rekindling the relationship will not end in the same way again, you must first identify what went wrong the last time. Then, come up with ways on how you can develop and improve yourself so that you will not be the same person as you were in that relationship. It is only when you truly make changes that your actions and words will reflect your sincerity.
Ask your friends or family members for advice
Reaching out to your close friends or family members who have been with you through the long distance relationship is the best way to get a clear, unbiased perspective of it all. They might have seen how you had become needy and jealous in your previous relationship without it being apparent to you at all. Ask them how you could improve yourself and be a better long distance partner.
Even if they cannot offer you any advice, it always helps to have someone you trust lend you a listening ear. Opening up to them could also help enhance your friendship and it shows that you really do trust them. Keep an open mind when you ask for advice or criticism and do not get defensive. Remember, your friends and family love you and are there to help you.
Maintain a healthy dialogue with your ex
After a long distance relationship breakup, it is very easy to just completely fall out of touch with each other. If you want to get back together with your ex, you will have to keep in touch with them, especially right after the breakup. However, you should not let on that you want to get back together and, thus, come across as needy. Simply maintaining a healthy dialogue and friendship will go a long way in convincing your ex to return to you in the long run.
It probably will be very painful for you to keep in touch yet not let your feelings completely known to them. After all, you are used to telling each other the most intimate secrets about yourselves. This is one of the reasons why we have mentioned that the first thing you need to do is to get over the breakup. If you are not over the breakup yet, it will be almost impossible to talk to your ex without being emotional. Being able to communicate with your ex in a calm and lighthearted way is the first step to winning their heart back.
Understand that you will have to see each other in person for you to win them back
It will be quite impossible to successfully convince your ex to get back into a relationship with you without being in the same place physically. You will not be able to show them that you have improved yourself nor as easy to show your sincerity over Skype or the telephone, let alone in a text message.
Meeting up physically will make it much easier for your ex to see the positive changes you have made to yourself during the time that you were apart. Perhaps you have started working out and look much healthier. Or you have learned to cook and brought along something you have made for them to sample. If your ex could tangibly see the changes you have made, they will see you in a new light and this will increase your chance of success of getting back together.
Schedule your meeting place to be in a neutral venue
Keep in mind that you do not want to remind your ex about the past, failed relationship you have had. It is about showing them the new you and the potential future you could have together. Therefore, it would be unwise to try and meet up where you or they live. If possible, you should meet in a location neither of you has ever been before. This way, you create a new and exciting dynamic, maximizing the chances of having the right environment to get back with your ex.
So, the key takeaways here are to first get over your breakup and make changes to yourself to show that you have improved as a partner. Keep a healthy line of communication with your ex and when the time is right, schedule to meet up at a neutral venue. We are sure that you will be able to win back your ex’s heart if you truly put your mind to it!