Read the title of this post and you might be thinking, “What? Why would I ever want to create distance?” In most relationships, you don’t! But in some, it becomes necessary for you to distance yourself because you are not getting the love that you deserve.
When you distance yourself, it does not necessarily mean that you are shut off to love, but it means that you need to create emotional and physical freedom so that you can make the logical, level-headed decisions that will be the best for you. Here’s what you need to know.
How to Distance Yourself From a Guy
Understand what distance means
Before you can begin distancing yourself, you need to understand the difference between being a jerk and creating emotional distance. Some girls think that detachment is the same as being emotionless, emotionally unavailable
, or aloof – but they are not the same!
Distancing yourself is important if you do not see a future with this person or if you are otherwise wasting your time and energy on them. If you do not see a future together – regardless of who initiated the breakup – it is time for you to pull yourself away so that you can move on in a healthier way.
Recognize those things that keep you attached
If you can’t let go, you need to figure out exactly why that is. Get to the heart of the problem. Remind yourself that the two of you separated for a reason. Whatever it is that is drawing you to him is not going to be enough to sustain a healthy relationship if he is not reciprocating. When you are trying to figure out how to distance yourself, do your best to keep these awarenesses at heart.
Heal yourself first
If you want other people to love and respect you, then you have to love and respect yourself first- isn’t that what all the experts say? Start by making some changes that will improve how you feel about yourself. Perhaps you could take up a hobby or start going to the gym. Maybe you even need to find some new friends.
Whatever it is you need to do, do it! This will restore your self-confidence and help you remember who you were before the relationship. Find your way back to your old self and recognize that although it won’t be quick or easy, it is necessary. In fact, it may help for you to write down exactly what you want and what makes you smile so that you can pinpoint the exact steps you need to take to get there.
Take a step back
Breathing room is an important thing in a relationship. Whether you have just recently gotten together or recently broken up, you may need to take a step back even if your insecurities tell you to move closer.
Listen to the voice in your brain that tells you to step aside and move through your pain and hurt. Recognize that your relationships were real, and that it is supposed to hurt when the two of you are not together. This can be extremely difficult to do if you are emotionally attached to someone, but it is important that you do it.
If you can, stop all communications with him. If you can’t, at least begin to reduce it dramatically. The more you try to keep in touch with him, the more difficult it will be for you to distance yourself.
This includes indirect communications, too. The more you remain in touch with him, the more difficult it will be for you to distance yourself. Quit stalking his social media pages and do not post photos just with the goal of enticing him to look at them. Similarly, do not encourage your mutual friends to send or receive messages to or from him.
If you are like most of us, you probably put your whole heart and soul into your relationship. Whether you were married for a decade or were just dating for a year, it is going to hurt. Try not to think with your heart but with your brain.
Sympathize with others in the same situation
Listening to others can help you get through your own relationship struggles. This will help you figure out the steps you need to take to mend your heart. It can be comforting to listen to someone talk about their own experiences, and it can also give you hope that you will get through this.
Do not bottle things up
Like a volcano, a person who has allowed all of their emotions bottled up inside will eventually have to erupt. And like a volcano, once you allow those emotions to build up, you will explode and destroy yourself.
Do not be like a volcano! Instead, share your emotions in a healthy way. Talk to friends, spend time with family, or enjoy a new hobby. You need to have a healthy, self-mending way to release your pent-up frustrations.
Remember that pain is short-lived
It is important that you remind yourself that the pain you feel now is only temporary. Eventually, you will learn to love again and it is vital that you believe that. Of course, this process will take time. But eventually, the hurt and pain will dissipate. It can be tough when you were with someone for a long time and now have to live life without them. The hurt will be there, however, there are methods you can use to make the pain hurt less and to speed up your process of healing.
Rely on your support system
Whether it is your friends or your family, you need a support system to fall back on. These people will allow you to vent your emotions and they can help you get through this traumatic period of your life. If you do not have friends and family you can count on for this, know that you can also turn to strangers on the Internet for advice
. Particularly in the case of abuse survivors, it is also helpful to turn to professionals for support, too, like counselors.
Know that friendship isn’t – and shouldn’t be – in the cards
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, friendship just can’t be an option. And in most cases, it is foolish to even try to be friends. Even if you ended things on neutral terms, that does not mean you should automatically be friends. Once you have crossed the finish line, it is time to close things off. You can only become friends after you both have had plenty of time and space to heal.
Discover a new hobby
Whether you are revisiting an old hobby or discovering a new one, now is a great time to explore something different. From pottery to painting, traveling to cooking, the time immediately after a breakup is ripe with the opportunity to explore new passions. It will help you keep your mind off things and also improve your damaged self-esteem.
Turn away from things that remind you of him
Whatever it is, get rid of it. Do not leave photographs up in your house and get rid of anything that reminds you of him or was given to you by him. Whether it is a pair of shoes or the notes you might have in your phone, it is time to get rid of the triggers that will make you remember him and miss him deeply.
It is never easy to create distance from the person you once loved – and perhaps still do. Whether the person was an emotional abuser or someone you just fell out of love with, there is no quick and easy way to move on. Instead, you will just need to give yourself time to work through your feelings by using these expert tips. With a little bit of luck and a lot of patience in yourself, rest assured – you can do it!