So, your man wants to put it in your butt and you’re freaking out. Relax, you’re not alone. In fact, anal sex is a secret fantasy of most men, whereas only about 37% of women report having tried this unconventional entryway. And of that 37%, there’s no report of how many actually enjoyed it. So, why are guys so fascinated (or should we say obsessed) with anal sex? Maybe it’s the tightness or the fact that it’s naughty and taboo. Before you throw up your hands and squeeze your cheeks closed in protest, keep reading. With enough relaxation, lube, and an open mind, you might not only let your man enter the “exit only” door, but you might ask for it!
- Discover more: Anal Sex: The Good, the Bad and the How
Don’t Succumb to Peer Pressure
Okay, this is the golden rule for sex of any kind, but definitely when discussing anal sex. Just because your man wants to try anal sex doesn’t mean you have to. If you’re apprehensive about it, chances are, it won’t be fun for either of you. The truth is, anal sex can be a little uncomfortable and even painful at first. Which is why you need to be fully prepared, both mentally and physically.
It’d admirable that you want to please your partner, but make sure you’re trying anal sex for the right reason — because you’re curious about your own sexual enjoyment and pleasure. It should be a fully mutual decision.
Start With Anal Play
Before you graduate to full penetration, get comfortable with the idea of exploring your backdoor area with some anal play. There are plenty of nerve endings and sensitive spots between your vagina and your anus.
Start by poking around with your own fingers or a small vibrator. There are anal vibrators and sex toys made specifically for this reason. Encourage your partner to explore your anus during oral sex as well. All it takes is a fingertip to stimulate this area. You’d be surprised at how much pleasure comes from a tiny bit of pressure applied to the right spot. Your guy can experiment with penetrating your vagina and anus each with a single finger (or tip to start). If you’re both feeling extra adventurous, let him tickle your anus with his tongue — a lovely, often underrated, technique known as rimming.
Once you’ve warmed up to the idea of something being inserted in your ass, you can move onto bigger items or stretching kits. Butt plugs are a popular choice for both men and women. Designed to comfortably sit about 2 inches inside the anal canal, butt plugs are narrow at the tip, wider in the middle, and then tapered at the end. The bottom of the butt plug is flanked to prevent the toy from being pulled too far into your body. Once in place, butt plugs stay put during vaginal sex, applying just the right amount of pressure. Using a butt plug is a great way to get used to this sensation.
Next, you can move onto other insertable anal toys or even dildos. Anal stretching is a common practice for anyone looking to ease into full anal penetration.
Relax and Lube It Up
If you’re finally ready to dive into anal sex all the way, you need two key things — relaxation and plenty of lube. Unlike your vagina, your anus doesn’t produce its own natural lubricant. Without lube, you’ll find anal sex uncomfortable and potentially painful. Not to mention, your partner will have a very difficult time entering you. Try a water-based lubricant if you also plan on using any type of silicone sex toys. Silicone lubricant is slightly thicker, but sometimes harder to clean-up after the fact. Whichever type of lube you choose, apply an ample amount to both your behind and you guy’s member.
But you’ll need more than just lube to have safe, enjoyable anal sex. You need relaxed sphincter muscles. Your sphincter muscle is extremely strong and tightens up if you’re tense or nervous — especially when trying to shove anything in your bum. Go with your gut when it comes to relaxation techniques. Try taking a hot shower or bath. Ask your partner to give you a relaxing massage. Light candles, play music or watch porn. Whatever helps you get in the mood and relax both your mind and body.
Get Clean to Get Dirty
There’s one common fear people have when discussing anal sex — poop. Whether you’re afraid to poop on your partner or they’re afraid of getting pooped on, anal sex can be dirty (and not in a good way). There’s really no way to guarantee that things won’t get a little messy, but there are a few things you can do to reduce the risk of an unwanted surprise.
Some people use an anal douche or an enema to prepare for anal sex. This may sound extreme, but it’s your best bet if you want an (almost) risk-free experience. Enemas will help cleanse and expel your intestines of any feces, whereas a douche is designed to clean your anus. A nice hot shower can also help you feel clean and prepped for the experience. If you know you plan to try anal sex before it happens, avoid eating spicy or fatty foods that might irritate your stomach. Stick with binding foods like bananas, rice, or cheese.
At the end of the day, any time you stick something in your rectum, there’s a risk that something might come out — even if it’s just a little leakage. If your man (or you) is overly squeamish about this, you can try taking things into the shower. Otherwise, you may want to reconsider anal sex.
Take a Deep Breath and Revisit the Subject
Are you feeling more open to the idea of backdoor play or are your sphincter muscles tense just at the thought of it? Maybe you’re not ready for full-blown anal penetration, but that doesn’t mean a small vibrator or rimming might not feel amazing. If anal play altogether freaks you out, be honest with your partner. Sex is supposed to be fun! If you’re feeling stressed about a sex act, chances are it’s not right for you and your partner needs to respect that. There are plenty of other fun and exciting ways to experiment in the bedroom that fall well within your comfort zone.