The book, The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, has been around since the 1990s. However, it has exploded in popularity as of lately. Love is a concept that is ever growing and ever evolving as we learn more about it, and the 5 Love Languages is a take on love that is quite intriguing. What is it, and what can it do for you? Let’s discuss. Ultimately, we recommend you check the book out for yourself, but if you want to know the gist of it, read on.
What is a Love Language?
Simply put, a love language is how we want to be loved. The way you feel loved can be different than other people, with many factors determining how you feel. For example, your personality, or how you were raised, are just two factors in you finding out what your love language is. It’s something you need to be more mindful of when being loved and giving loved. Just like real languages, there may be some language barriers you need to figure out in order to achieve the best relationship.
Now, let’s look at the five.
Acts of Service
These are actions you take in order to show your partner that you care. For some people, they want more than just words from their partner. They want their partner to show that they care. Acts of service can vary. For some, they are something as simple as doing a few chores around the house. For others, it may involve helping the partner with their work.
Acts of service should be done because you want to show your partner that you do care about them. If they are done without you caring, these acts can be much more difficult to be authentic. Ultimately, it’s important to ask your partner what they would like done for them, and then do it.
This is quite obvious at first. Some people love being touched. It shows your partner that you care.
Physical touch can involve something as innocent as hand holding to sex. Someone who has a primary love language that is physical touch may need consistent physical content to show that you care about them. So hug, kiss, and never let go of your partner. Your partner will feel appreciated for it; we guarantee it.
This about spending time with your loved one that is free from any distractions. Your partner being with you does not necessarily equal quality time. For example, if you are someone who is always on your phone and you’re ignoring your partner, their needs may not be fulfilled.
Some people take an anti-technology stance on this, but quality time can involve technology. Playing video games or watching TV with your partner are definitely ways for you to spend quality time together.
There are many ways for you to break your partner’s trust in regards to quality time. For instance, if you’re someone who promises a date and ends up flaking, this can hurt your partner’s trust. They may feel as though you’re simply using them. This should never be a feeling they have. When planning quality time, always make sure that you can commit, and make it up twofold when you are unable to meet your commitments.
This is another part of love language that does seem quite obvious. If your partner has an affinity for receiving gifts, this means that they will love to get a present from you every now and again.
If you’re not the richest person in the world, this can definitely feel a bit intimidating. Luckily, gifts do not have to be expensive. They can be something affordable such as a candy bar, or a DIY project. You don’t need to shower them with gifts all the time, either. You just need to make sure that they are given reminders that you care about them.
Words of Affirmation
Finally, we have the words of affirmation. We all know the phrase “actions speak louder than words.” With that said, there are some people who love hearing words. Words of affirmation involve compliments and praises that your partner loves to hear.
They don’t need to be anything complex, either. You don’t need to write a long letter each day. Complimenting your partner on their hair, their clothing, or even saying “I love you” can make their day.
With someone who has this love language, it’s important to watch what you say. Negative words can have a big impact on them and make it harder for them to forgive you.
Which Love Language Are You?
One way for you to learn your love language is to go to 5lovelanguages.com and see which language you are. There is a quiz you can take, asking what forms of affection you prefer. In addition, you can take singles, couples, teens, or children’s quizzes in order to learn more about your entire family.
Knowing your love language can help people understand how to treat you better. In addition, it’s important to treat your partner better as well by knowing their love language.
We should mention that this is all a spectrum. For some people, they will like all five ways of affection, but have a preference for one particular language. Try pleasing your partner in as many ways as possible if you want to succeed.
If you are having difficulties understanding your partner, you have relationship issues, or you just want to talk to someone, online counseling is a solution for you. BetterHelp counselors are here to listen to what you have to say and give you the best advice possible. From knowing what your love language is to learning ways to help out your partner, an online therapist can give you this advice without you needing to leave the house. Talk to a therapist today and see how they can help you with your relationship issues and even beyond that.