It is no secret that girls enjoy a little teasing before getting down to action between the sheets. What may not be common knowledge is that men like it just as much as women do! Many women believe that the best way to build sexual tension is to withhold sex. Though this may have proved effective for some people, it really isn’t necessary. There are many other ways – and very effective ones too – to achieve the same (or better) results.
There are lots of benefits to building sexual tension. For starters, it creates anticipation and longing. It also presents the opportunity to try new things in the bedroom. Most importantly, it sets the stage for you to take charge of your steamy moments together.
How to Perfect the Art of Teasing
Teasing is about doing everyday things with a seductive twist added to them. It is how I plant the idea of sex in his mind and make an invitation for some later. A slight tease at the beginning of the day will have him thinking about me all day. A midday tease in the form a sexy note slipped into his lunch pack, or a few stolen moments at the office during his lunch break, are sure to leave him longing for nightfall. Try it, it very likely will work on your man too!
How to tease your man
Here are some of my favorite and most effective teasing techniques.
1. Create Anticipation
It will take a little effort from both of you to learn exactly how to achieve this. Neither one of you should have to figure it out alone. Understanding yourselves puts you on a path towards a more fulfilling relationship. No matter how connected you feel, there is always a deeper level of romantic connection that you can explore.
Before I go any further, let’s be clear on exactly what I mean by sexual tension.
- What Is Sexual Tension?
It is the longing for and buildup of anticipation for sexual satisfaction. Learning how to create and build up this longing will make his imagination run wild. It makes the whole process even more exciting. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving in to the temptation to go all the way early on, but gradually-built sexual tension will make him want you even more. It will force him to create all sorts of raunchy movies (starring the two of you) in his mind before he will get to live them out.
- Timing Is Important
Yes, there is a need to think through how to create and build sexual tension. However, it need not be planned out down to the last minute in the manner of a travel itinerary. I usually let things take their course, but keep my goal in mind. When possible it helps to deliberately be apart for a few days just to give me and my man a chance to send cute text messages to each other and have long sexy conversations. This way, we are too far apart to give in to the temptation to follow through.
2. Dressing Out Of His Closet
No, I am not talking about the all-out cross-dressing that would have you going out fully dressed in his clothes. As simple as it may seem, just slipping on his work shirt with no bra or underwear underneath does the trick. For him, the thought of all the nothingness under his shirt takes the tease a few notches higher.
3. Little Garments for a Big Tease
Those tiny, lacy, sometimes strappy pieces of clothing work wonders. Sexy lingerie to rev things up is perhaps the oldest trick in the book but that is probably because it never fails. Once I have learned what my man likes and what I feel sexy and comfortable in, it can only get hotter from there on out. I would slip it on and let his eyes have a feast. When I am up for a little more adventure, a figure-hugging bustier or a pair of scarlet fishnet stockings will leave him with images that he will not forget in a hurry. This look might not be for you but there are so many different types of lingerie out there that there is certainly something for you. There really are no rules with lingerie – it is about trying out new stuff to see what works best.
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4. Even Putting On Perfume Can Be Sexy
There is something about a woman’s fragrance that is alluring to a man. Rather than let the perfume do all the work, you add to the tease with how you put it on. Spraying the perfume on your hand then slowly and gently rubbing it on your neck then cleavage will surely leave him entranced.
5. Dropping Naughty Unexpected Text Messages
Texting is great for those naughty little messages because you can be sure they are 100% confidential. It is fun to distract him when he is at work with a few mischievous messages, perhaps accompanied by even more distracting pictures, letting him know exactly what is on your mind.
Wherever he is, whatever he is doing, it will take his mind off it and make him think of you. It creates sexual tension which he will be looking to release with you the next time he sees you.
6. Discreet Teasing In Public
A little subtle (sometimes not so subtle) but discreet teasing in public is another very effective way to get his attention. When my man and I are out for dinner with friends and he is sitting next to me, my brazen tease starts with a quick rubdown of his package under the table. When we are all chatting away, it only takes a second to lean in and whisper “I can’t wait to have you peel off this dress.” As long as it is done discreetly, no one will notice. The quicker I go about it, the more alluring it is for him. But I have to be careful not to overdo it. Too much of this could create more tension than we can handle and we end up skipping dessert to head home.
7. Keeping Him Ogling
A man is attracted to a woman by what he sees before anything else. When I am in a short but decent dress, he can’t help but notice when I slowly and smoothly cross and uncross my legs. Likewise, a top with a slightly more plunging neckline than my usual will keep him guessing. Some men say a woman in a short, well-fitting dress is more seductive than a woman in a bikini simply because the latter does not leave much for his imagination. My intention is to appear totally clueless of the fact that I am teasing him.
8. The Surprise Kiss
Leaning in to plant a quick but passionate kiss is the ultimate tease, especially because he does not see it coming. Imagine the look on his face when, in the middle of lunch, you lean in, give him a deep, seductive kiss then continue eating. Even if sex was the last thing on his mind, he will think of nothing else after that.
9. Smell and Look Irresistible
Smelling good is just as important as looking good. Men admit that there is nothing more off -putting than a sweat-smelling woman, no matter how great she looks. As long as you have that perfume on when he comes close, the sweet-smelling and exquisite-looking you will have him hooked.
10. Boost His Ego
Every man’s ego gives him a fixation on strength and ability to perform. This performance often pertains to the ability to meet a woman’s expectations. I take the time to listen to my man and take note of what he repeats frequently. Once I have learned his character, I use this information to compliment him and show appreciation. This makes him feel good about himself and makes him even more attracted to me. If you make your man feel confident, he will not only like the way you look, but also how you make him feel, even if it is in a totally non-sexual way.
11. Oops! Did I Drop That?
Another seductive way to tease him is to ‘accidentally’ drop something and then deliberately position yourself right in front of him when you bend down to pick it up. It could be anything, a pen, a hairpin, lip gloss… anything! He will definitely not look away for he will be happy to get a good look at the view in front of him.
12. Being an Independent Woman
It takes a lot to impress a strong and independent woman. Even when you have had a mind-blowingly fabulous night with him, try to act as though you were not particularly phased by it. It will make him work harder to please you more. His constant efforts to find ways to up his game, to make it better for you every time will draw him closer.
13. Move to the Music…
Dancing is one of the few activities that everyone can enjoy no matter how old they are. That is why it is one of my favorite ways to tease my man with it. I put on my chosen tune, crank up the volume and let my hips sway to the music. If he is up to it, he can join me. If he prefers to sit and just watch, well, that is fine too. When I am up to it, he gets to sit back and enjoy a playful striptease.
14. Subtle Flirtatious Touch
We are not talking about below-the-belt touching. This is ‘innocent’ playful touching made to seem subconscious. Tease him with a playful touch on his chest or a light touch on his leg in the middle of a conversation. This creates a feeling of closeness and can arouse further excitement if the tension had already begun to build up.
15. Creating a Need for Him to Touch You
Touch is perhaps the most effective, direct way to tease him. When you do not want to come on too strong, it pays to find reasons for him to touch you. For example, you could suddenly develop an itch on your back which you just can’t reach, or ask him to rub your shoulders because they are tense. If you are out swimming or at the beach, why pass up the chance to have him rub some sunscreen on your back?
16. The Sexy Selfie
Sexy selfies are an easy way to tease him even when he is not anywhere near you. Simply take a selfie and send it directly to his cell or post it on social media where you are sure he will see it. It will only take you a couple of seconds to snap the selfie and post it but it will have him fantasizing about you all day long.
17. Showering In Front of Him
Stepping into the shower when he is getting dressed for work or just relaxing in the bedroom is another fun tease. You can leave the door open wide enough to throw him a few naughty glances as I wash yourself, then watch as he fights the urge to jump in there with you.
18. Indulge Him with Images
Men are visual creatures and you should capitalize on that as often as possible. Sending him a few playfully seductive images during the day will make him happy. It shows him that you trust him and feel free enough with him to send him private pictures. More importantly, it builds up a longing for more. By the end of the day, he will be revved up enough to pounce on you the second he walks through the door.
19. Shower Him with Compliments
It may seem trivial but simply telling a man how strong and sexy you think he is makes a huge difference for him. Reminding him how safe you feel around him works wonders too. Showering a man with compliments is a tease that goes beyond physical needs. It meets a psychological need for appreciation and learning to feed this need will draw his attention to you and contributes to the already existing physical attraction. Add to the tease by showing him that you are quite comfortable on your own and do not actually need him to protect you at all. This subtle dissonance makes the tease even better.
20. Pick Up Something and Play With It
This requires a good level of creativity because you will need to pick up whatever is within reach. If you are holding a glass of wine, for instance, slowly running the tip of your finger around the glass speaks volumes. Sipping the wine slowly then holding a long seductive glance will keep his gaze locked on you. The idea is to use your hands to pass your message to him even if you say nothing to that effect.
21. The Sexy Hair Flip
The seductive hair flip is one of the commonest flirting techniques. Although some women do it subconsciously, most women know exactly what they are doing when they fling their hair back. Studies have proven that men do actually find this seductive. When I flip my hair back, it’s important to make sure it doesn’t look forced. It’s also crucial to make sure that our eyes don’t meet at all. Yes, this is the one time that it is best not to make eye contact.
22. Impromptu Lunch Date
My man loves it when I surprise him at work with his favorite takeout in hand for lunch. Sometimes I combine the lunch date with a heated preamble to the evening, making it clear that the takeout was just an excuse to come by the office. What I really wanted was to give him a reason to come home early. The trick is to indulge him in a few minutes of fondling, deep kissing and then leave, promising that the rest of the dish will be served up at home later. Try this on your man and I can assure you that he will be thinking nothing else but you the whole day at work.
23. An Unsolicited Striptease
There isn’t a single male human being under the sun who does not enjoy a striptease. Even the lucky guys who get to enjoy a striptease every once in a while have to ask for it (maybe even pay for it.) Wo, why not give him one even before he asks? Seductively stripping down for him shows him that you are a confident woman who is not ashamed of her sexuality. That in itself is a turn-on for him.
24. Admitting Something to Make Him Curious
I know that my man can’t help but create pictures in his mind when I tell him stories of crazy little things I have done in my past.
…Oh, and did I tell you how my college girlfriends and I got drunk and got ourselves into a pole dancing contest? And guess who came in second place?
All I have to do is ‘innocently’ narrate the story and let him go crazy imagining what he would have seen if he was there.
Think of something you have done before that could arouse his curiosity and then leave it off as an ‘innocent’ chat – he will turn it less innocent.
25. Get into His Head
The options are limitless when I want to get my man’s imagination going. There is an actress in every girl and this is where those skills come in handy. The trick is to avoid showing him too much and you should show him just enough to get the motor running. It is not always an accident when my bra strap just ‘accidentally’ slips off my shoulder. When I step out of the shower and I am drying off, the door does not just happen to be open wide enough for him to steal a glimpse. Seductively eating a banana will make your tease a bit more obvious but that does not make it any less effective.
26. Long Seductive Stares
Eye contact is a highly underestimated method of seduction. Holding a long provocative gaze speaks louder than any words. For someone who is not familiar with it, it takes some time to learn. But after a bit of practice, it is amazing how spark-inducing it can be.
27. Putting Your Thoughts in a Text Message
It only takes a few minutes in the middle of the day to type out a detailed text message to him telling him exactly what you can’t wait to do to him later. This will set his imagination wild. He will spend the rest of the day looking forward to seeing you. Another option is to leave a voice message saying exactly the same thing. However, it is crucial that to flag the message as private just in case he is in a meeting with his phone on the table in front of his colleagues.
28. The Brief Passionate Kiss
The short but passionate kiss works best as a closure to an evening of teasing. Make it hot then cut it off before things go any further. It is a bit risky because the effect may be too much for him to handle. If he can handle it, you leave the room immediately and let the desire continue to simmer.
29. Lace Works Magic
Lace is the sexiest fabric a woman could wear, even if it covers her entire body. Lace is unique because of its ability to conceal and reveal at the same time. This intermediate feature makes it more erotic than pure nudity.
Mistakes to Avoid When Teasing Him
1. Steer Clear Of Physical and Character Flaws
We all have some physical or other characteristics we wish we did not have. It is important to learn what his are and make sure not to make jokes out of them. Doing this is bound to hurt his feelings which will literally extinguish the flame in an instant.
2. Maintaining Moderation
Teasing is supposed to be fun for both of you. It is necessary for you and your man to be clear from the beginning what the intentions are at any one time. This will tell you when it is time to stop and do something else. Without this, teasing may end up being fun for one of you and infuriating for the other.
3. Down Days
Too much of anything really is poisonous. Imagine how exhausting it would be for both of you if you insisted on carrying the tease every day of the week? Teasing is supposed to be a once-in-a-while game and not a daily or every other day affair. Too much of it will make the relationship boring and will kill the spark.
4. Do Not Tease For Too Long
Teasing, whether it is subtle or forthright can only work for so long. If you drag it out too long, it will become monotonous for him.
5. Watch Out For Blue Balls
Teasing him essentially causes varying levels of sexual stimulation. A lot of stimulation experienced frequently without release could cause blue balls. This is an uncomfortable – and sometimes painful – condition caused when semen builds up in readiness for ejaculation but never actually gets released.
Building up sexual tension can be a fun game for the two of you. What’s the point of it all if you are not going to release it all in the end?
You really can’t go wrong with a little teasing. It is fun and will make him feel loved and appreciated, talk about hitting two birds with one stone, eh? It also takes confidence – the kind of confidence any man will find attractive.
Learning how to tease is a continuous learning process. You must remember that you are not always going to hit the nail on the head and there is no need to take it too seriously. If you try something and he does not like it, that is no reason to get upset. Should one technique not turn him on, you should not dismiss the entire teasing game altogether. It is all about taking the time to learn what he likes, put it into practice, and enjoy the process – for both of you.