It always feels great to know that your significant other misses you when you are not together. Whether you are in the early months of dating, in a long-term dating relationship, or in a marriage, it is pretty much the same – you want to be missed!
Think about it, wouldn’t it feel terrible if you end a day spent with your significant other and when it is time to part, you know that deep down she is glad to be rid of you? You know that something is not right when you travel out of town for a couple of days and your girlfriend doesn’t think to call you until you get back. She just didn’t miss you. (Discover More: How To Tell That Your Girl Has Lost Interest In You And If It Is Too Late)
The question is – have you given her something to miss?
If your answer is NO because you just don’t make much effort – it is time to roll up your sleeves. If it is because you have no idea how to make yourself ‘miss-able,’ fret not! This article will give you more than a few tips on how to make yourself like a drug she has to get a shot of every so often. It takes a significant amount of work and some strategic thinking to get her hooked – but yes, it can be done!
This is not to say that you should put on an act and present yourself as someone you are not. You should always be yourself and let her get to know, as well as like, the real you. This way she won’t feel deceived when she eventually gets to know the real you. Believe it or not, the real you can be missed.
Here are some tips on how to make sure that happens.
How to Make Her Miss You
1) Respect her
It goes without saying (but we shall say it, anyway) that respect is a two-way street. You obviously want her to respect you so you need to respect her, too. Respect her opinion, her time, her individuality, and anything else that could be wrapped up in this crucial little word.
Respect is a fundamental element in any relationship because it is impossible to love someone if you don’t value them. If she doesn’t feel that you value her, she will doubt that you love her. She will not be missing anyone she is having such doubts about.
2) Make her feel safe
When we talk about security, there are two different kinds to think about. You could think of security in the literal sense in that your girl is certain that no physical harm can come upon her as long as you are around. She has no doubt in her mind that you would go out of your way to protect her.
Another way to look at security is in relation to her place in your life. Whether you have just started dating or have been married for many years, always make your significant other know that she is the only girl in your life. If you constantly assure her that she is the queen of your heart, she will want to spend time with you and miss you whenever you are not together.
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3) Make sure she enjoys your company
Every time you spend time together, ensure that you are both immersed in it. It is one thing for her to have fun when she is out with you, it is another for the both of you to enjoy it together. If she likes dancing but you have two left feet, for instance, you could very well take her out somewhere and let her dance her heart out as you sit at the bar and sip your drink. At the end of the night, she would have enjoyed dancing but it would be a lot more fun if you hit the dance floor together – even if you appeared goofy, you would at least had fun together!
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If you prefer to stay in for the evening, you can both get into the kitchen and cook a meal together. After that, take some time to leisurely enjoy the products of your culinary work then settle down to watch a movie. If you make this (or anything else you both enjoy) a Friday night ritual, the next time you are away on a business trip on a Friday, she will miss you so much more when she has to spend Friday night doing something else without you around.
4) Good old fashioned letter writing
A handwritten letter with pen and paper? Who does that anymore? Yes, everyone uses some form of technology to communicate nowadays. But you can use this so-called archaic method of communication to express yourself to your girl.
If you can’t come up with an entire letter, take the time to pen a note – even if it is just a few sentences telling her how happy she makes you. To make it even more romantic, put the letter in the mailbox so she can ‘receive’ it like a regular mail. Then give her a little memento box where she can store all your love letters, love notes, and little gifts.
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When you are away she can take them out and read them all again. Her heart will swell with affection for you. She will miss you so much more.
5) Absence makes the heart grow fonder
There is some truth in this saying – spending time apart makes her miss you because you can’t miss what is always around you. Interacting with other people refreshes both of you and makes you look forward to seeing each other again.
If you don’t live together and work jobs with unmatched shifts, spending time apart will happen as a matter of circumstance. If you share a living space and end up being around each other a lot, make a deliberate effort to spend time apart. Plan it into your schedules if you have to.
6) Don’t talk about yourself too much
Many people assume that you can only get to know each other by talking about yourself. Talking about yourself makes you appear self-centered and no woman wants to be with a man whose world revolves around him.
Again, it would be weird to say absolutely nothing about yourself so you will need to strike a balance here. Let her get to know you by what you say about yourself but don’t forget that there are many other ways to get to know each other. There is a lot you can learn about a person from general conversations that are about neither of you.
7) Listen to her…like really listen
If your crush, girlfriend, or wife is like most women, then she talks more than you do. Perhaps she talks a whole lot! God knows it can be hard to listen to everything she says and even harder to retain all that information – but you have to try.
Listening to her helps you to pick up on details which will help you come off as the most wonderful boyfriend or husband ever. It is the little, seemingly insignificant details that will earn you the highest score.
Take her close circle of friends for instance. When you first started dating, you will probably hear a lot about them in random conversations. Keep details like Sue is the one who grew up in Detroit, Barb is the one with a beloved cat named Roger, and Audrey loves pasta.
When you finally get to meet them two months later, ask Sue what it was like growing up in Detroit, ask Barb what Roger’s favorite cat food is and offer to order some pasta for Audrey along with the drinks. The realization that you were actually listening and remember such details will make your girl feel indescribably special – not to mention making her feel proud in front of her friends. That feeling of closeness towards you will make her miss you every time she is not near you.
8) Surprise her
Surprises always make a girl feel extra special. Bigger, more elaborate surprises like a surprise weekend away or a surprise birthday party are sure to win her heart. But if you can’t afford those, it doesn’t mean that there is nothing you can do to surprise her.
Have some flowers delivered to her office on a random day that is neither her birthday nor Valentine’s Day. That way, she really will be surprised! Buy her favorite bar of chocolate and put it in her car. When she finds it she will be lovingly missing you with every bite. However, try not to do this in the summer because the chocolate will melt out and make a mess before she finds it – you will end up annoying her instead.
9) Make beautiful memories
Some of the best memories we have were not planned – they just happened, while others like trips to exotic places were planned long in advance. Either way, make a conscious effort to spend your time together doing things that you will not only enjoy but also remember for a long time.
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Take a typical weekend when neither of you has to go into work. You could meet up with friends at the bar on a Friday night, get home at the wee hours of the morning and spend the next morning nursing a hangover. You could also have an early night on Friday, get up early on Saturday and take a two-hour drive to an exotic beach or a world-famous museum.
No matter where you live, there is always a tourist attraction near you. Why not take the time to see what it is that makes people travel halfway around the world to see? That s not to say that there is anything wrong with having drinks with your friends, but you will always make beautiful memories by doing something outside of the norm.
10) Find a ‘You’ thing
Find an activity which will be recognized by both of you as your thing. It could be a hobby, a recreational activity, or even a sport. As long as it is something that regularly keeps you away from her and she has no choice but to respect it as something that is important to you.
It helps her respect you as an individual. It also gives a reason for you to be away from her and therefore gives her a chance to miss you. You might feel like you are being selfish doing something fun that is only for you, but it beats the whole purpose of making her miss you. Enjoy it guiltlessly.
11) Show her a good time
The bottom line is that your girl will not help but miss you if every time she spends time with you she has a really good time. The challenge is that what one girl considers fun could bore another girl stiff. You can’t do a Google search to find out exactly what she is into. So how do you know what she will enjoy… short of asking her to tell you what she likes to do.
That is where listening comes in. Make a point to listen keenly when she talks. If she is an ‘artsy’ kind of girl then she will probably like to visit an art museum or an art show. If she likes music then she will probably enjoy a concert.
There is a lot you can pick from even the most random conversations. You just have to be listening out for it.
12) Kissing and holding hands never grow old
If neither of you has a problem with PDA (public display of affection) go right ahead and display it. Hold her hand as you walk down the street. No one cares if you give her a sweet long kiss at the parking lot as you part at the end of the evening. When you get intimate with her, take time to hold her after that.
Women are tactile creatures. They love to be touched and held. You enjoy touching and holding her as well so make a point of doing it as often as you can. If that is what makes her miss you when you are not together, it will be a secondary gain.
13) Limit your communication
If you just started dating, it is easy to fall into the temptation to call her every other hour of the day, send her several emails a day or keep texting her when you are not together. This not only makes her feel smothered, but it is also plain and simply bad manners. She may start to get irritated by you and that is a sure way to kill the spark between you.
It is thoughtful to say good morning at the beginning of the day. It is sweet to send her a text message in the middle of the afternoon reading ‘just to say I love you.’ The idea is to limit your communication – just enough – to give her time to miss you.
14) Appreciate your differences
Just because you are in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you have to like the same things. If you like spicy food and she doesn’t, let your visit to the Indian restaurant be with your buddies and not her. If you force her to come with you for a spicy Indian meal even when you know she won’t really enjoy it, she will not look forward to spending another evening with you.
15) Don’t appear overeager
It is the early days of dating. You really like this girl. Even then, it is best if you didn’t show her just how eager you are to see her again – at least, not for now.
When she calls you, let the phone ring a couple of times before you answer it. Sometimes let it ring then call her back a few minutes later. It is alright to be unavailable for a suggested date.
Be careful not to stretch this too far, though, so that she begins to feel like you are losing interest in her. As long as she has the slightest feeling that your interest in her is fading she will not miss you. The point is to find a balance to make sure you don’t come off as too desperate and she still feels certain of your interest in her. If you choose not to have drinks with her this evening, set another date for tomorrow. Tell her that you are busy tonight but can’t wait to see her tomorrow.
16) Don’t try to monitor her every move
There is a big difference between lovingly checking up on your girl and policing her. Today’s technology gives you a lot of options on how to check up on her. Calls, texts, skype, WhatsApp… the list can get longer. Be careful not to be overbearingly interested in where she is, what she is doing, and who she is with at every moment.
If you cross the line, she will get upset or irritated. It is unlikely that she will miss someone who has been irritating her all day. If you have not been monitoring her all day, she will have missed you and will be happy to tell you all about her day in the evening.
17) There is no need to rush
Here is another area where the most important thing is to strike a balance. When you start dating, there are lots of expectations from either party. Some thorny issues include when is the best time to get intimate, when should you introduce each other to friends and family, even when to say ‘I love you’ can be the source of disagreement.
To make sure that she misses you every time you are apart, try not to rush into anything if she is not yet comfortable. The second she feels that you are rushing her into anything, she will not miss you when you are apart.
18) Give her a special gift
If you don’t live together or you travel often, give her a special kind of gift. Special because the thinking behind it is slightly different. Give her something of yours which will remind her of you. It could be one of your T-shirts with your cologne on it or a jacket which she can use as a ‘boyfriend jacket.’
Another way to make sure she misses you every single day is to give her a gift which she will see and/or use every day. If you know that she can’t start her day without a cup of coffee, give her a special coffee mug. This way, she will think of you and miss you every time she pours herself a cup. Another option is a pretty key holder for her car or house keys. She will never start her car without you crossing her mind and missing you a little more every day that you are apart.
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19) Keep phone conversations brief
In today’s world, no relationship can develop or thrive without phone conversations. They are how people stay in touch and generally maintain constant communication. In that sense, phone conversations are good for relationships. There is a problem when you want to spend hours and hours on the phone talking to your girl.
While this may seem sweet and loving, it actually leaves her no time to miss you. She will never get to feel your absence and therefore never really appreciate your presence when you are together.
20) Maintain a little mysteriousness
This applies if you have been dating for only a few weeks or months. It is expected that you should reveal some things about yourself as part of the process of getting to know each other. As you do, be careful not to let out too much at once. They do say that it is a good thing to be an open book, but she doesn’t have to read the entire book in one sitting, does she?
On the other hand, don’t be too mysterious. It will make you come off as creepy or distant. Strike a balance between being distant and telling too much at once. One dose of your awesomeness at a time will keep her intrigued enough to make her way back for another and another.
21) Call her every single night
If you don’t live together, call her every night, preferably at around the same time of the night. There is something sweet about sharing the events of your day with someone at the end of the day. When you have been doing this for a couple of weeks, she will begin to really feel that you are a part of her life.
After a while, your conversations will likely develop a sense of continuity because events of one day build on those of the next and then the next. Before you know it, she will feel extremely close to you. If one night you are on a late flight to somewhere and can’t call her at that time, she will miss you and your daily conversations. You will be the first person she wants to talk to when she wakes up.
22) She is not your therapist
It is one thing to let her get to know you, and it is another to pour your life’s sorrows and struggles out on her. It is unfortunate if you had a really difficult childhood, or that you have a strained relationship with your father to this day, but she doesn’t need to know about it at this point.
If the relationship develops into something more serious, it would be more appropriate and then – only then – should you begin to reveal some of these details. Compare getting to know each other to an onion. There are many layers to get through. Let her peel off one layer of you every now and then and it will be a while before she gets to the core.
23) Appreciate her
Don’t forget to appreciate her. This is especially true for couples who live together. In most instances, it is the girl who fixes dinner and generally keeps the home in order. Always remember to appreciate her for her effort and sacrifices. If she feels taken for granted she will be glad to have the house to herself when you travel and will definitely not be longing for your return.
The Key Takeaway
These are just a few tips on how to make your girl genuinely feel your absence when you are not together. Some are ideal for couples who live separately and others for couples who live together. The main lesson to learn from them all is that it takes an effort in the relationship to make her miss you. It is also interesting to note that it may not always happen automatically and there is an element of strategy in it all.