When you and your boyfriend first started dating, it was utter bliss. You were both madly in love, you spent many evenings staring into each other’s eyes, and sharing your dreams together. Your eyes lit up at the mention of his name and he loved you with a zeal you only saw in movies. All your girlfriends kept reminding you how lucky you are to have such an adoring man by your side and that they would give anything to have what you have. You had no doubt in your mind that this is the man you will walk down the aisle to and spend the rest of your life with. (More: 18 Songs About Meeting Someone Special For The First Time)
It was perfect!
Now all that is in the past. You are still together but he does not pay much attention to you anymore. You have grown distant because you do not get to spend much time together. He is always busy at work and would rather spend his free time with his buddies. When you do get to spend some time with him, it is in the company of his friends because you got invited to one of their nights out at the last minute. He no longer calls you in the middle of the day ‘just to say I love you’ and you can’t remember the last time you received one of those sweet text messages which were his way of telling you just how much you mean to him.
You feel unloved, unappreciated and taken for granted.
At first, you thought it was something you did or something you were not doing right so you made every effort to get home early to have nice hot meals ready for him when he got home. You scheduled date nights so you could spend some time alone together but he always cancelled at the last minute. Your day time calls to him generally go unanswered and he rarely responds to your text messages. (More: What to Do When Your Boyfriend Ignores You)
So what’s going on? There are two reasons why your man could be behaving like this.
- Maybe He Has Got Comfortable. The first and most likely reason is that he has simply gotten comfortable with having you around. He put in a lot of effort to get you ‘in the bag’ so to speak. Now that you are in there, he feels no need to try anymore. You are his girlfriend now and you are not going anywhere. It does not necessarily mean that he does not love you anymore, he probably still does, only that the ‘chase’ is now over so why keep running? If you have been dating for several months, you may have gotten into a routine. You do the same thing every evening and spend your weekends in more or less the same way. There is no excitement anymore so your man may be getting bored.
- Maybe He Wants Out. The second reason he could be behaving like this is that he has genuinely lost interest in the relationship and is consciously or subconsciously looking for a way out of it. This may be a very painful possibility to consider but it can’t be ignored. If he is the kind of guy who does not like confrontation and all the drama that comes with a breakup, he may be ignoring you – hoping that you will eventually get frustrated enough to end the relationship yourself.
When you find yourself in this kind of situation, you can’t just sit back and hope that things will go back to the way they were. You have to come up with a strategy to help figure out if he really loves you and just needs to be reminded of what he has in you or if it is time to move on.
Before setting your strategy into motion, try talking to your significant other. Look him in the eye and pour your heart out. Let it never be said that he had no idea how unloved and unappreciated you feel. For some men, this is enough to melt their hearts and set them on a path to becoming a better partner to you.
For others, that is all it is – talk. You could talk yourself hoarse but they see no need to change. For these guys, here are a few tactics to jolt him back into the loving guy he used to be.
How to Make a Guy Realize That He’s Losing You
Delay response to phone calls and text messages
It may seem like a childish tit-for-tat game but it is the most effective way to get him to understand exactly how it feels when he ignores your calls. He is probably used to you returning his calls and replying his text messages immediately.
Now give him a taste of his own medicine.
Wait an hour or two before you return a call from him and make a point to reply text messages at the end of the day. This creates the impression that you were busy during the day and have only gotten around to responding when you were done with work. What you are saying is that work and other activities of your day take first priority and he comes second…or third… or fourth… or tenth.
- Ordinarily, you are down for whatever your boyfriend suggests even if it is a last-minute plan.
- You are so desperate to spend time with him that you quickly get out of your pajamas on what was supposed to be a lazy Saturday night on the couch to join him and his buddies at the bar.
- You do not think twice about cancelling on a pre-arranged evening with your girlfriends because your boyfriend wants you to go out with him instead.
Let me tell that it is about time all that changed, girlfriend.
If you want to make him realize that he might be losing you, you need to make yourself unavailable. Say no to offers to hang out with him and his friends and be content to stay in and watch a movie on your own.
- Do not be afraid to cancel off a few dates with him even if they were planned in advance. Just let him know that something came up so you will not be available –
- do not bother to explain any further. When you put this technique into action, it is normal to be tempted to drop it after a few days and go back to being randomly available.
- Do not give in to the temptation! Hold your ground and stick to it for as long as it takes to produce positive results.
Cut back on those loving acts of service
Women are naturally nurturing. If you live together, you are probably the one who makes sure that there is a meal ready for him no matter what time he gets home. You always have his laundry done and generally pick up after him all the time.
It has been going on for so long that he more or less expects you to do all this and does not really appreciate it anymore.
Another good way to make him realize that he is losing you is cutting back on all these acts of service.
- Let him get home one evening and have to fix himself dinner because you were working late.
- When you travel out of town for a few days, let him come home to an empty refrigerator because you did not get a chance to do the grocery shopping due to other ‘commitments’.
Take trips without him
It does not matter whether it is a two-week road trip across the border or a day-long picnic out of town – it is a good idea to start taking trips without your boyfriend. Take trips with different groups of friends and always make it clear that you would prefer that he does not join you.
- More: A Perfect Girls Day Out
When you get back, it might seem like a good idea to say nothing about how it all truly went. Instead, make sure that you are full of endless stories which make it clear that you had an amazing time and would love to do it again.
Mention a male co-worker often
You have a new co-worker who happens to be a tall, dark and handsome guy whom all the ladies are crazy about. Make a point to bring him up randomly in conversations with your boyfriend.
- Perhaps repeat a joke this intriguing colleague of yours told you which you thought was really funny.
- Maybe mention how this co-worker never forgets to compliment you for something or other.
Even if you do not say it directly, your boyfriend will realize that someone else (a better-looking someone else) is giving you the attention he does not give you and that could easily be the beginning of the end of you and him.
The power of ‘no’
When you love someone, it can be difficult to say ‘no’ to them. If you feel like you are always being swayed in his direction, it is high time that you start saying ‘no’ to him and ‘yes’ to yourself.
You have to learn to love you just as much (if not more) than you love him.
- If it usually takes him all of five seconds to persuade you to drop your plans and go someplace with him, it is time things changed.
- If you are always going to places he likes and never to places you enjoy, there is a need to re-think your ways. Try to come to a compromise first.
- If he absolutely has to do his thing, be content to part ways for the day so that he can do his stuff and you do yours.
At first, he will be surprised that you are not giving in as you usually do. He may even get angry at you. Nevertheless, it is part of a necessary process so stand your ground no matter how hard it is. It will get easier with time.
Do not forget that an independent woman who stands her ground is much more attractive than one who is easily pushed around so you may end up being even more attractive to him in the long run.
Create some distance
It is normal for dating couples to share every last detail of their day or their plans for the weekend with each other.
- If this is the norm for you, he will definitely notice that something is different when you suddenly stop telling him all about your day at the end of the day. You can suddenly start ‘forgetting’ to mention your weekend plans in advance. When he calls you on Saturday afternoon and you tell him that you are out of town, act like you forgot to mention that you would be taking a trip out of town when you spoke a day ago.
- If you ordinarily ask him about his day or how his friends are doing, you will be passing a message when you suddenly lose interest in his day, his plans or his friends.
Prepare yourself for some kind of knee-jerk reaction to this tactic. Do not be surprised if he does something which he knows will upset you just to get back at you. He may also ‘forget’ to mention that he was hanging out with Laura, who he knows you do not like, just to see if you will give in. Hold firm on your resolve. Once the message has been driven home, you will not regret it.
Spend time with non-mutual friends
Mutual friends are great for any couple. However, it is always a good idea to maintain friends who are just your friends and not his. When you start spending a lot of time with these friends, it will mean that he won’t be comfortable to join you so he will probably be at home alone when you are out having a good time.
Take care of yourself
It is a fact that when you look good, you feel good about yourself. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who looks good and is confident about who she is.
With that in mind, make every effort to make yourself look good.
Hit the gym a few times every week, dress up smart every day even if you are not going anywhere in particular. If you like make up, put some on so you always look good. Just because your boyfriend is showing absolutely no interest in you tonight does not mean that you can’t slip on your silky little night piece and get into bed. Even if he tries to act as though he does not notice the changes, you know that he sees them in you and he will begin to worry that you may be slipping away from him.
Say no to spontaneously made plans
It’s 10 pm on Saturday night and your boyfriend is all dressed up to join his buddies at the bar down the street. ‘Hey honey, why don’t you join us?’ It makes you feel like an afterthought. Has he just realized that he would like you to join him? The last thing you want to do is accept a last-minute invitation which was made to others well in advance. It is a clear sign that he does not value your time.
Politely decline the offer and request to be included in the prior plan next time.
Learn a new skill
To an outsider looking at your relationship with your boyfriend, the fact that you do everything together may seem sweet. For you who is in the relationship, you soon realize that it is actually not healthy when your whole life revolves around him and the things you do together.
At some point, you will wonder what became of you and your individual likes and dislikes.
To be able to cultivate a sense of individuality, why not take up something that you can do alone? Something that will be about you and you only. Learn a new skill, learn a language or take up a sport. A few searches online will tell you exactly where you can take up dance classes, join an art class, start swimming or perhaps learn some Spanish. Who knows when it will come in handy?
The point is that you will have something that you do on your own and it will make you happier than ever. These activities give you a sense of independence from him and make him realize that there is a lot more to your life than him.
Have some fun without him
It is Friday evening. Ordinarily, you would leave work then head home and wait for him to tell you if he will be available so you can go out together. When he is not available, you prefer to sit at home and watch a movie on your own.
Well, not this Friday!
Today, get home and let him watch you freshen up and get dolled up for a night out with your friends. Do not forget to mention, albeit in passing, that the group of friends you are going out with is made up of both men and women.
If you usually make sure you leave dinner in the oven for him, let him fix himself a meal tonight. Do not mention what time he should expect you back home. If he asks, give a vague answer like ‘I don’t know what time I’ll be back, it really depends on how the night goes.’
Whether he goes out with his friends as well or stays home, the fear of losing you will be all he can think of.
Engage gear ‘silent treatment’
If he just does not get it when you tell him that he needs to change his ways, switch to silent treatment mode. Act as though he does not exist.
- If you do not live together, this is easy to pull off because all you have to do is live your life as you did before you met him. Ignore calls, text messages, emails, and any other form of everyday communication.
- If you do live together, it is slightly more challenging, but not impossible. Speak to him only when he speaks to you and keep the conversations as brief as possible. Go about your day as though he was not there even when he is physically present in your space. The silent treatment can be very powerful especially if you are sharing the same living space.
Many women who use this method do it with a clearly visible sense of anger at their significant other. Even as you remain silent, it is very clear to him that you are upset with him because you are visibly angry at him.
To make the method even more powerful, embark on it with a sense of joy.
- When you do speak to him, do so with a smile.
- Have long, happy phone conversations with your friends in his presence.
- Watch something funny on TV and laugh your heart out even when you are not talking to him.
It will definitely throw him off balance to see that you are happy and going about life like there is absolutely nothing wrong.
Unleash a few new moves in the bedroom
Few men will admit it but the first thing any man thinks of when his girlfriend pulls out a new move in the bedroom is ‘Where did she learn that? Did she learn it from some other guy?’ The sneaky part about this technique is the fact that he will think it but will probably not have the guts to ask you. At the end of the day, your objective will have been met. The thought of you with someone else will have crossed his mind and that is more than enough to make him realize that he may be losing you to someone else.
Take a vacation… alone
Well, in his defence, you can’t blame him for assuming that any vacation you take will be with him. But that is all it is… an assumption and a wrong one in this case.
- Plan a vacation and do not let him know about it until a day or two before you are set to leave. Tell him you need a break, some time to put some serious thought into a whole lot of stuff in your life, including the relationship.
- While on vacation, keep your communication with him to a minimum so he can only wonder what is going on in your mind.
If he genuinely cares about you but had stopped investing in the relationship, he will be a changed man when you get back. He will have realized that he could lose you if he does not change his ways.
Reveal your achievements and not your struggles
Keep your big and little struggles to yourself and only let him in when you have reached a goal. If you are working hard on a project at work and you are up for a promotion, do not let him in on it. Let him find out with the rest of the world when you get that coveted promotion. This makes him realize that you no longer trust him or feel close to him. He is just as close to you as the next guy. If he hasn’t already lost you to another guy, it is only a matter of time before he does.
So what if he does not have his way?
If your boyfriend is used to having his way all the time because you never put your foot down, well, it is time to change that. Start asserting yourself to make him realize that there are two people in the relationship. If he does not get with the program, pretty soon there will only be one left in the relationship because you will be long gone. Being assertive not only places you in a position of control, but also makes you more attractive.
Social media… friend or foe?
To answer the above question, it is really up to you to decide if social media is going to be a friend or a foe. Choose to make it a friend and use it to your advantage.
- Post pictures of yourself having the time of your life at a party – make sure to include one of your handsome friends in the background too!
- If you are not quite the party animal, then post a few pictures of yourself and some colleagues from work during an after-work drink up.
The reason social media is such a great way to get your boyfriend to realize that he could be losing you is the fact that you do not have to say anything to him. The pictures speak for themselves and they say a lot more than you could.
Flirt with other guys
When you are out at the club in the company of your boyfriend and some other guy tries to chat you up, do not immediately brush him off like you usually would. Take time to listen to him, laugh at his jokes (even if they are not that funny) and make sure that your significant other notices it all.
Let me add that using this technique to open his eyes to the fact that he could lose you, should be a very last resort. Try it only after all else fails. It makes him realize that he has an attractive girlfriend and other guys can see that too. There are lots of guys out there who would love to have what he has. If he does not get his act together, he could easily lose you.
Sex is a privilege, not a right
Many women do not realize just how much power they hold when it comes to sex. When all else fails, withhold sex to get your man to take you seriously. When he has been sexually starved for a while, he will be all ears and willing to do whatever it takes to get things back to the way they were before. Sex is the most powerful way for him to feel physically and emotionally close to you. Without that, he will feel like he is losing you and the entire relationship.
Some Last Words
Be You, Do You, Love You
No matter how it all goes, the bottom line is that you should never apologize for being who you are. Take pride in who you are and realize that if someone in your life does not see value in it and appreciate it, then it is their loss and not yours.
Never let your significant other get the feeling that you have no option but to be with them. You always have options, being single is an option too – and a great one at that. Some of the happiest people in the world are single. For many people, the happiest times of their lives were when they were single.
These are just a few tips to help open your man’s eyes and make him realize just how big a treasure he has in you. If you know him well, which you probably do, you should be able to come up with many more tactics which will jolt him enough to start treating you the way that you deserve. That said, always remember to think with your head and not your emotions. Listen to your instincts and follow them. If you find that he does not value you enough to treat you right and the relationship is really not worth fighting for, so be it. Let it go and find one that will be worth your while.