Being in a long distance relationship is difficult and sometimes the temptation to cheat can be irresistible. How will you know if your partner is cheating on you? How they behave can often show if they have been faithful to you and here are 14 ways to tell if they might be cheating even when you are miles apart.
If you’re in a relationship where you live very far away from your partner, chances are you have thought about whether he or she might cheat on you. The good news is that there are research studies suggesting that cheating doesn’t necessarily happen more often in long distance relationships. These studies believe that the risk of cheating does not increase because of distance but rather, it depends on the personalities of the couple and the quality of the relationship.
However, the cold harsh truth is that cheating does sometimes occur in long distance relationships. While the distance might not play a huge role in encouraging your partner to be unfaithful, it does make it easier for him or her to cheat on you.
So, what exactly is long distance relationship cheating?
There are many different opinions on what is considered cheating or not. Some people think that kissing someone else under the influence of alcohol at a party is harmless and does not really count as being unfaithful. On the other hand, some people believe that even a simple act of hand holding or having intimate email conversations with someone else can be hurtful.
I believe that it is not about specific actions but rather, the intimacy your partner shares with someone else and the violation of expectations that comes with being unfaithful. You should consider it cheating if your partner is sharing anything with another person which should be exclusively only with you, whether it is his or her feelings, thoughts, or physical touches. It is counted as cheating if someone does something that is out of bounds for the relationship.
Unfortunately, it is not as clear-cut nor black and white as it sounds. It could be difficult to determine which behaviors are out of bounds and which ones are acceptable if you have never even thought about them.
You might be in a situation where you think your partner is cheating but he or she does not share the same opinion. As an example, your partner might have a friend whom they have always exchanged suggestive text messages with, even before your relationship started. Your partner might think this is just all harmless fun, but you might see it as an act of disloyalty.
When a disparity in opinions about the ground rules of your relationship occurs, there are a few ways to solve it. Either one or both of you will have to change your opinion and accept the other’s way of thinking. Otherwise, the relationship will have to end because there really isn’t a middle ground for something so important. So basically, if you have identified a situation where you and your partner think differently about what is considered cheating or not, there could be three possible outcomes:
- You accept your partner’s behavior and trust that it really is just a harmless thing
- Your partner immediately discontinues what he or she is doing and you forgive them
- The relationship ends
What if you find yourself being uncomfortable with something your partner is doing yet it does not seem like they are being unfaithful? It could be that they are texting the same person all the time or going on a work lunch date with the same colleague too often. It looks perfectly innocent, but something just doesn’t seem right and alarm bells are ringing in your head.
There could be two explanations as to why you feel this way. One, your partner might not be cheating but could be heading in that direction and your instincts are telling you that something is not right. Two, it could just be your own jealousy and insecurity clouding your judgement.
Either way, you should never ignore these feelings and allow them to fester. You will need to talk it out with your partner and come to a solution together. Make sure that you express your feelings in a calm and open way without making your partner feel like they are being accused of something they did not do. Figure out why this has happened and fix it together. If you are successful, you will end up with a stronger and healthier relationship.
Now, let’s find out what are the signs to look out for that should raise some red flags. If you have noticed that your partner has been showing some of these suspicious behaviors, it does not necessarily mean that they are definitely cheating on you. However, these are telltale signs that he or she are not being completely honest with you. Below are some behavioral patterns that might mean your partner is not faithful to you:
1. All calls must be planned very far in advance
Obviously, if your partner is busy at work, he or she might not be able to pick up your call. It is also understandable that they sometimes do not hear the phone ring and miss your call. However, if he or she almost never picks up your calls unless you have given them ample notice, there might be something amiss.
2. Your partner’s social life is suddenly brimming with activities
Even if your partner is an extrovert who has always been gregarious and loves going out, they should be able to set aside some time for you. If you find yourself being squeezed in around their packed schedule which is full of activities that do not include you, alarm bells should be ringing. Your partner might be trying to avoid you because they are feeling guilty or simply they do not think you are that important to them anymore.
3. Your partner’s communication pattern and style have changed abruptly
People usually behave in a specific way consistently unless they are trying to hide something. Did your partner stop telling you that they love you or are they suddenly saying it too often? Or did they change your calling routine out of the blue without giving you an acceptable reason? Instead of always calling in the evening while they are at home, he or she now only wants to call briefly in the morning or during work hours? Have you noticed that they have stopped initiating steamy and sexy conversations or tend to change the subject when you are trying to get intimate?
4. Your partner is reluctant to introduce you to his or her friends or family
If you have been seeing each other for a while yet have never met any of your partner’s friends or family members, then something is definitely wrong. It could mean that they are just dating you on the side and prefer to keep your relationship a secret from the people they care about.
5. You find it very difficult to reach your partner
Of course you should not expect your long distance partner to just sit around the phone and wait for you to call or immediately respond to your messages within seconds. However, if his or her phone is always turned off and even after a reasonable amount of time has passed they still have not gotten back to you, you might want to investigate further. Do try to give your partner a chance to explain and use common sense to analyze how truthful the answer is. Forgetting their phone at home or the battery dying every other day are not good reasons.
6. Your partner is always in a rush when you call and is only calm when they call you
Some people, indeed, do not deal well with being surprised with a phone call and having to suddenly stop what they were doing. On the other hand, it could be that they are with someone else when you call unexpectedly and prefer to only talk to you when they are truly alone.
7. You do not get to talk to your partner much when they are at home
If your partner only has long conversations with you when they are at work or when they are driving, it could be that there is someone else there most of the time when they are home. Profound conversations between long distance couples usually happen when both parties are comfortably settled in the privacy of their own home. So, if your partner seems to be avoiding long conversations when he or she is home, something fishy might be going on.
8. They visit you, but then never let you visit them
Although there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why your partner prefers to spend time at your place instead of where they live, it is very strange if you hardly ever get to visit. Even if they have a smaller place or have many roommates, your partner will usually want to show and share with you that part of their life. Should it seem like your partner is trying extra hard to prevent you from visiting, it could be that they are hiding something from you.
9. Your partner does not officially acknowledge your relationship
Some people prefer to be private and do not want to broadcast their personal information on the internet. However, if your partner is always making posts on his or her social media platforms and replies to your comments like you are just any other friend, alarm bells should be ringing.
10. Your partner is always talking about a certain someone
When couples who are in a healthy long distance relationship, they can hardly talk about anything else but each other. So, if your partner is always talking about someone in particular and telling you about how they are always together when both of you are apart, it could mean that your partner prefers to spend time with that person more than with you.
11. Your partner suddenly hangs out with a whole new group of friends
It is only natural that if your partner is cheating on you, he or she will start to avoid their old friends and spend time with a new group of friends. This is because they might feel guilty or ashamed of themselves with their old friends who knew about your relationship.
12. Your partner has cheated before in his or her previous relationships
Even if your partner has had a history of cheating in previous relationships, it does not mean that they will do it to you now. It does, however, mean that they have done it before and have a higher tendency of being unfaithful than someone who has never cheated before.
13. Their stories often do not add up or seem inconsistent
Has your partner ever told you that he or she could not spend time with you because they were away on a business trip but then recount a story that happened at home that same weekend? Or do things always seem to not add up when your partner tells you about where they were and what they were doing? To err is human so you cannot expect your partner to remember everything perfectly. However, if there are too many inconsistencies in what your partner tells you, it could mean that they have been lying to you.
14. Your partner gets overly defensive when you ask an innocent question
Perhaps you were just making conversation and asked your partner where he or she has been that day. Or you might have felt something was amiss and asked him or her if anything was wrong in a calm way. If your partner overreacts and gets extremely defensive, even throwing accusations at you, then it could be that they are not being completely honest with you.
If you do detect some of these telltale signs from your partner, what should you do?
First, try not to panic and calm down. Perhaps the worst thing you can do now is to jump to conclusions and confront your partner hysterically. So, take a deep breath, assess the situation logically and think with your head, not your heart. When you can keep your emotions in check, ask your partner to set aside some time where both of you can be alone to have a serious talk.
Some people might prefer to bury their heads in the sand and hope that the problem will just go away on its own. This is a big mistake and could make things even worse. Communication is key and if you are uncomfortable about any of your partner’s behavior, never ignore it. Talk to your partner and sincerely give them a chance to explain themselves. Sometimes it might just be a misunderstanding or there could be a perfectly acceptable reason behind their suspicious behavior.
This list was made to help long distance couples become more vigilant and not to make them more suspicious of their partners. Remember, always maintain an open channel of communication and it will strengthen your relationship. If, indeed, your partner has been cheating on you, then it is better to find out sooner rather than later.